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Not problems, but positive attributes.“Through decades of practice as a psychotherapist, and from a lifetime of efforts to understand my own inner workings,” Page writes, “something surprising and inspiring gradually became clear to me: our deepest wounds surround our greatest gifts.”There are two key questions to help you find what your gifts are. Page then leads us to recognize ways we might have entered relationships based on our need to shield and protect our gifts, rather than share them — what he calls attractions of pain versus attractions of love.For example, if we’ve been told we’re too intense, do we choose relationships that force us to stifle our passions so as not to reveal this alleged weakness?As a psychotherapist who has worked with thousands of single people over the past 27 years, I’ve come to the conclusion that the way we’re taught to approach relationships is more likely to lead to heartbreak than to lasting love. I’ve boiled the dating process down to four steps that are likely to lead to healthy love.Whether you’re just getting back into the dating game or have been at it for a while, you’ve probably experienced some of the anxiety that comes with the search for true love. And you’ll be pleased to know that none of them relates to your age, hairline or waist size.

Yet in our 20s, 30s and even our early 40s, most of us weren’t ready to listen. But as we enter midlife, the idea of building sustainable and sustaining love becomes more compelling than ever. Try Cooking Together First) 4 Steps to Finding Lasting Love 1.And so we have tried, again and again, to stifle or change those aspects of ourselves — all to become more palatable to romantic partners. Take them lightly and you’re likely to miss the point and just keep on doing what you’re doing, which presumably isn’t working or you wouldn’t be reading a book like this.Perhaps what is really at the core of you, however, is passion, or deeply felt emotion, or assertiveness, or honesty. And so Page devotes the first part of the book to discussion, exercises, and meditations to help us see what our heart wants to tell us.Page recommends that you to find a partner or work with, and consult friends about patterns they’ve recognized in your relationships.

As you might imagine, you’re bound to hit some hurty spots as you start to look clear-eyed at yourself, and — perhaps most terrifying — to solicit feedback from others.But much of that is the unnecessary byproduct of how we’ve been conditioned to approach our dating life. We’ve been handed a defective map of the path to love! What are single people constantly encouraged to do? We’ve all heard some version of these ideas before.

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